Careers blog: Alumni Events: Reframed "... Just Like That"

What if the secret to enjoying alumni events isn’t mastering the perfect pitch, but simply giving yourself permission to show up as you are? Alumni Careers Manager Konstantina Dee discusses: 

I have written blogs and delivered workshops on networking. I have discussed and guided how to network, and still I keep hearing: "What to talk about?", "How to walk the room?", "How to talk about myself?", "I feel nervous", "I freeze and cannot think clearly of what to say next", "I am keeping an eye on the time and sneak out at the first possible moment".

So where did I get it wrong?

The issue

Reflecting on conversations with alumni and observing people at events, I have come to recognise that it is not about “how we network” or even “what to talk about”.  The issue is that we feel pressurised to network and to optimise each opportunity we have.

This is optimisation fatigue. We want to squeeze value out of everything we do. We want to be our best, to get the best education and the highest grades. We want to optimise our network with people with the optimal job titles. We talk about optimising our LinkedIn presence, optimising our salaries, optimising, optimising…

I watch people arrive at alumni events with high expectations that this event will be the one that gets them the referral and the important connection, but they still stay with their friends because approaching strangers feels too risky, and they feel too nervous. Then I watch them make their exits as soon as possible, exhausted from trying too hard, clutching their phones where they have saved a few LinkedIn contacts that they'll never follow up on.

As your Careers Coach, I need to find the right balance between working with you to optimise your potential and challenging you to shift your mindsets in different contexts.

An alternative approach to try

What I'm about to suggest isn't a replacement for strategic networking. It's an alternative approach, I think it is an approach worth trying, especially when you notice you're avoiding events or leaving them feeling drained.

You don't need to approach every alumni event this way. Sometimes you'll have specific goals: you're exploring a particular industry, you want to reconnect with specific people, or you're actively job searching and need targeted introductions. That's fine. Strategic networking has its place.

But if you find yourself stuck in a pattern like skipping events, feeling anxious, leaving early, try the “just like that” approach and see what happens. Think of it as an experiment. After all, you need to want to attend these events for them to be valuable at all.

Here's the experiment: Sign up for the next alumni event, come along and just be yourself. No agenda, no working the room, no elevator pitch rehearsed in your head. Just be you and see what happens. Your next alumni event can be “Just like that”.

Why this approach works

You'll be more approachable. Relaxed people are easier to talk to. When you're not scanning the room for someone more important, you can be present with the person next to you.

You'll be memorable for the right reasons. Recently I had a session with an alum preparing for an upcoming interview, and do you know what I remember? A fantastic statement: "I just love sausages." This was real, this was authentic, and this was memorable. We remember the lived stories, the emotions those stories created in us, not the achievement record of our conversation partner.

You might make a friend. What if the best outcome of an alumni event isn't a job referral but a new friend? Someone you'd genuinely want to share coffee with, not because they're "useful" but because you like them. What better way to end the evening than having started a new friendship?

You'll want to come back. If you approach alumni events as work, they will feel like this and then you will avoid them. However, if you attend as yourself, you will have a great time and you will come again for more.

Your worries

You will challenge me: "Shouldn't I be strategic? Won't I fall behind if everyone else is networking and I'm just... being myself?"

Here's the truth about "strategic networkers" at events. They're exhausting to talk to. You can feel when someone is evaluating whether you're worth their time. It destroys the flow. Great networkers do it effortlessly, they are genuinely curious, they treat everyone with respect regardless of title, and they show up consistently. That's playing a longer game.

Believing that one perfect conversation at an alumni event will change your career is naive. What changes careers is sustained relationships, good work, and being someone people genuinely want to help.

Where to be strategic and where not to be

I'm not saying, “abandon all strategy”. But the strategy should happen at a different level:

Be strategic about:

• Which events to attend: Select appropriate events, based on your interests and your energy
• How often to attend: Time is limited, so be realistic about how many you can manage in one month, in one term
• What mode to be in: Consider should you be strategic with specific goals, or relaxed and exploratory
• Who to keep in touch with after the event: You'll know who you want to continue talking to and learn more about.

Don't be strategic about:

• How to behave once you're there: As already mentioned being yourself will work
• What to talk about: The themes will come naturally. Admiring the views from The Shard or sharing a favourite moment from your time at WBS could be a good conversation starter
• Who you talk to: See who might need company and join them
• How long to stay in a conversation: Let the conversation flow, don’t stop if you all enjoy the chat. Remember there is no agenda.

Reframed metrics of success

You've shared with me before: " I came to the event, but I didn't make the most of the networking opportunity."

Let me reframe the metrics of success for you.

After an event, ask yourself:

• Did I have at least one conversation I truly enjoyed?
• Did I learn something that surprised me?
• Did I laugh?
• Would I want to talk to that person again?
• Do I feel energised or drained?

Notice none of these are about job titles, referrals, or "productive outcomes." They're about whether you showed up as a human and connected with other humans.

If you spent the whole evening engrossed in only one conversation and that conversation was interesting, engaging, if you laughed and you were present together, then you have not wasted your time. In fact, I will quote Kipling because I believe that then:

… you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more, you'll be a person, my friend!

An invitation

Try this approach at your next alumni event. Notice how it feels. Notice whether you enjoy yourself. Notice whether you want to come back.

You can always return to more strategic networking when you need to. And just like that give yourself permission to try something different. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can do is simply show up and be present.

See you at the next event!

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